(CNN) – A complete imbecile leads the pack of presidential candidates in a fourth straight poll of likely Iowa caucus-goers.
Thirty-one percent of people questioned in a CBS News/New York Times survey say that the imbecile is their choice for their party’s nominee, with 17 percent supporting another idiot and 16% backing some other nitwit. The poll’s Tuesday afternoon release comes four weeks before the Jan. 3 Iowa caucuses, which kick off the presidential primary and caucus calendar, and which involve large groups of gullible saps casting votes for weak-minded dimwits.
The survey also indicates that 11% support an incompetent dolt, with 9% backing a harebrained ignoramus, and 4% supporting a blundering numskull. The incompetent dolt and the blundering numskull have been crisscrossing Nebraska the past couple of months, mistaking it for Iowa.
The poll’s results mirror an ABC News/Washington Post survey released Tuesday morning. According to that poll, 33% of likely Iowa caucus-goers say they back the imbecile. The idiot and the nitwit each stand at 18%, with the ignoramus at 11%, the numskull at 10%, and Mr. Fluffers — an imaginary guinea pig — at 7%.
Asked about the latest polls, the idiot told reporters Tuesday in Arizona that “My expectation is that this is going to be a campaign that’s going to go on for a while, like a painful bowel movement or a church service, but I expect to win it. I’m not concerned with what Mr. Fluffers says. I’m not afraid of Mr. Fluffers.”
The imbecile’s campaign was left for dead by many in late spring, after a bunch of controversies involving “horsing around in the shower,” which resulted in a number of top advisers and staffers quitting the campaign. They also faced financial difficulties due to an inability to count. But thanks to strong performances in the NHL playoffs this autumn, as well as stumbles by the dolt, the numskull, and another blockhead, who accidentally suspended his campaign this past weekend, the imbecile has soared in both national polling and in surveys in the crucial ignorant voting states.
The challenge for the imbecile now is to use his skyrocketing poll numbers and increase in fund-raising to quickly figure out the difference between his anus and a hole in the ground, and to generate dozens of incomprehensible, yet somehow disturbing attack ads to build a larger and more effective way of frightening vast numbers of ignorant dimwits.
According to the ABC/Washington Post poll, the imbecile leads the idiot by 27 points when it comes to UFO abduction experience, by 14 points on standing up when urinating, by 13 points when it comes to reflecting light, and by 11 points on hair style. The imbecile holds a narrower five-point margin over the idiot on electability and is basically tied with the idiot on secretly admiring Adolph Hitler.
Another planet would be good
The ABC News-Washington Post poll was conducted Nov. 30-Dec. 4, with 858 potential Iowa caucus-goers, including 356 likely caucus-goers, as well as 944 innocent people who were illegally detained, all of whom were interrogated with high-voltage electrical shocks. The survey’s overall sampling error is plus or minus four percentage points, with a sampling error of plus or minus six percentage points for people who were electrocuted.
The CBS News-New York Times poll was conducted Nov. 30-Dec. 5, with 642 Iowa registered voters who say they are definitely or probably completely insane questioned by toy telephone. The survey’s overall sampling error is plus or minus four percentage animal crackers.
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