Red Sox Nation tested a second nuclear-capable missile Monday, upping the ante in its arms race with the New York Yankees.
“These flight tests have strengthened the security of Red Sox Nation, and will help in maintaining a strategic balance in the American League East,” said a RSN foreign ministry spokesman in a statement issued soon after the test.
New York responded to the test by deploying mobile cruise missile launchers to eastern Long Island. The cruise missiles are believed to be armed with either nuclear or biological warheads, and are capable of reaching targets as far north as southern New Hampshire.
It’s unclear how New York acquired its nuclear capability, but it is believed that Yankees President George Steinbrenner acquired medium-range missiles in a secret deal with China that involved a large sum of money, several minor league prospects, and a Player To Be Named Later.
That development prompted Red Sox Nation to accelerate its missile development program, and to also begin installing 6000 new centrifuges — which are used to enrich uranium — at its minor league facility in Pawtucket, Rhode Island.
In a statement issued earlier today, Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig threatened to impose steep fines on any team that initiates a nuclear or biological attack on a division rival. “Weapons of mass destruction have no place in baseball,” warned Selig, “and will be dealt with in the same vigorous manner as was the case with the steroid abuse scandal.”
