According to industry sources, a tumult arose today at a staff meeting at data warehousing firm Infodatec as an attempt at sports-business metaphors degenerated into sexual innuendo.
“At first we had a hard time even getting to first base with our customers,” said Infodatec CEO Doug Barnes, beginning a discussion of poor sales figures with a series of baseball metaphors. “And I know everyone wanted to score. I know it’s been hard, really really hard. But now we’ve made it to second base, and we’re heading for third. We just need to keep swinging until we find the sweet spot. I know we can go all the way.”
Alluding to football, Barnes continued, “Or to put it another way, we need to use our big tight ends and keep grinding away until we score. We just need to blast it right up the middle. We need to really open up some holes and pound it through.”
Ignoring his audience’s increasing levels of discomfort and amusement, as well as frantic hand gestures by the Infodatec Human Resources Director, Barnes went on to conclude his remarks with a particularly unfortunate succession of basketball metaphors.
“We just really need to score. We’ve been dribbling all over the place, with balls flying everywhere, but now we need to penetrate and put it in the hole.”
