Seeking to cash in on the recent wave of colon cleansing products, Coca-Cola today announced the launch of a new soft drink, “Coca-Colon.”
The colon cleanser market has exploded in recent months, with a wide variety of products promising to flush toxin-filled fecal matter stuck inside the colon, thereby reducing bloating and constipation and improving overall health.
Asked how they intend to compete in an already bloated market, Coca-Colon spokesperson Wi Pu Long said, “Sure, there are a lot of colon cleansers already out there. But this is the first one to combine a powerful colon cleanser with the great taste of Coke.”
“We are flush with cash and will bring all of our resources to bear in dominating this market, ” said Long, discussing market projections. “We intend to be number one in ‘number two’.”
Coca-Colon advertising will feature reworked versions of previously successful ad campaigns, including:
- “You’ll Go Better with Coke.”
- “It’s the Real Gross Thing.”
- “Coke Is Sh_t!”
