Frustrated that her petition to adopt a second Malawian child was rejected by a local judge, Madonna has decided to instead adopt a section of Interstate 75 near her childhood home in Rochester Hills, Michigan.
“Madonna was extremely disappointed that she wasn’t allowed to adopt a second Malawian child, especially after all she’s done for the Malawians,” said Madonna’s publicist. “And she just really felt the need to adopt something, ideally a child. And adopting a pet just wasn’t going to cut it after she had her sights set on a human being. So she decided to go with a highway.”
According to her publicist, “Madonna will pick up litter three times a year from the highway roadsides in her designated area. Well, she won’t actually do it herself; she’ll pay someone else to do it.”
Madonna’s name will be posted on an official Adopt-A-Highway sign that will be displayed on her two-mile stretch of I-75. She will also receive a certificate of participation which she intends to proudly display whilst skanking about in music videos wearing clothing more appropriate for adult entertainment workers thirty years younger than she.
