Wielding powerful endoscopic suction devices, doctors today removed several liters of toxic bile from former Vice President Dick Cheney.
Cheney has recently been spewing toxic bile uncontrollably on almost a daily basis, spraying both Democrats and Republicans with bitter acidic fluids from deep within his gut.
Humans normally produce 400-800 ml of bile each day to aid in fat absorption and digestion. But apparently Cheney suffers from “Unmitigated Gall Bladder,” a condition in which the liver and gall bladder produce several liters of thick, viscous black bile each day.
This hyper-production of bile leads to a reflux of copious volumes of toxic fluids through the bile ducts and into the stomach and esophagus, resulting in a huge pressure dome of noxious bile that eventually spews forth volcanically and indiscriminately.
Complicating matters, the former Vice President has recently suffered from a chronically enlarged spleen. Surgeons implanted a series of filtered stents, which helped relieve pressure, but the procedure also resulted in the unwanted side-effect of Cheney venting his spleen regularly and voluminously.
“As a result,” said Dr. Chip Zansalsa, Chairman of the Gastrobiology and Digestion Clinic at the University of Wynonna, “Cheney was unrelentingly and indiscriminately spewing forth huge amounts of virulent bile on a daily basis on both friend and foe alike. If you have these types of symptoms — randomly spewing bile, delusional thinking, lashing out indiscriminately — please see your doctor.”
Dr. Zansalsa went on to point out the recent case involving radio personality Rush Limbaugh, who was widely considered to be psychotic until a routine medical examination revealed a large crustacean lodged in his rectum.
“Following a prolonged series of surgeries, Rush is now doing fine,” said Zansalsa. “He’s as gentle as a kitten.”
Very funny post!