Politician and affliction

More than 50 million Americans are now believed to suffer from palinitus, which is somewhat similar to tinnitus, but is generally much more severe.  Palinitus may be an intermittent sound or an annoying continuous sound in one or both ears. Its pitch can go from a low roar to a high squeal or whine.

What Causes Palinitus?

Please...make it stop...

Most palinitus comes from damage to the microscopic endings of the hearing nerve in the inner ear, and is caused by repeated exposure to the loud, insane rantings of mentally unstable political candidates. The health of these nerve endings is important for acute hearing, and injury to them brings on hearing loss and often palinitus.

Where's the Off button on this thing?

If you are a conservative who frequently watches Fox news or television coverage of Tea Party conventions, you will likely suffer a certain amount of hearing nerve impairment and palinitus. Even for moderates and liberals, exposure to loud political noise is probably the leading cause of palinitus, and often damages hearing and destroys brain cells.

How is Palinitus Treated?

At least for now, there appears to be no cure for palinitus. It may simply go away on its own, or it may be a permanent disability that palinitus sufferers will have to “live with.” Doctors recommend the following measures to reduce the intensity of palinitus:

• Avoid watching television, or at least Fox news.
• Utilize masking noise. Palinitus is usually more bothersome when the surroundings are quiet, especially when you are in bed. A competing sound such as a ticking clock, a radio, or a Tea Party convention attended by loud, raving lunatics may help mask palinitus.
• Wear ear plugs, earmuffs, or silly colonial wigs to help reduce noise.

"I'm completely insane!"